I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
