just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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