Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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