Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
i out mim tonsoeep
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