Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
and she was petting her beer can
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
