I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Randomize
