either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
