He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
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So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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