I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
