Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
