It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
