I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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