i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
