Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
