sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
