Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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