WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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