Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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