sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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