Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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