Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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