4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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