There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
