I'm laying in your front yard are you home
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Randomize
