My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
