I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
