But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
