I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Randomize
