I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
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