last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
