He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
