I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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