I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize