Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
