I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
