I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
