My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
