all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
My Sexting was not on an AP level
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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