Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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