I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
