you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
