Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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