whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
