u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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