what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
