I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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