i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
