What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
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you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
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We should reintroduce naked Mondays
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
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