kristin has been a bad kristin
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
