I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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