halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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