Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
