i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
