and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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