I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
