mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
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Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
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Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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