oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
