I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
