i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
