where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
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You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
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I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."