She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
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I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
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Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.