dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009