PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
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How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
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He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?