I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
