butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
