I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
