I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Randomize
