You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
