This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
We were destined to go to rehab together
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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