It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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