Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
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I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
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He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"