Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
