i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
