so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
