Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
