He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
