this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
