You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
