That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
