Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
